Painting HeARTS

Yesterday as I was driving to the nursing home where I facilitate art with the residents, the rain began to fall. The sun was shining and a bit of rain was dropping on my windshield.  Oh darn “I thought more rain!”   There it was…a beautiful rainbow. I was driving through this lovely act of nature.  The colors were enticing. I wanted to touch them.

I have always seen rainbows, to the left or the right but never have I driven through the center of one.  I felt such gratitude in my heart.  This amazing gift of nature made my heart sing and my spirit soar. I was so happy when I arrived to create art with my sweet nursing home friends.  I love that I could share my joy with them.

I introduced the project which was  painting beautiful hearts on canvas. The colors they picked  were lovely, bright and cheery.  They worried about making mistakes as they painted .   I reminded them that there are no mistakes in art and everyone is an artist. They smile and feel a little more comfortable with themselves. 

A few women do not speak English but we laugh together and I sing a bit and they do a wheel chair dance as I snap my fingers and shake my booty!!  It was a juicy day filled with gratitude, creativity, laughter, lots of paint, sparks of friendship and love for each other.  We have more work to do on the Heart paintings to create a “Heart Quilt on the wall for all to see. (They did ask me to bring some glitter on my next visit!)

Writing & Feelings!!!

Working on my blog has always been a difficult task for me.  I want to become more comfortable with writing about myself. I invite that part of me to FLOW!  Sometimes when I stand in front of a blank piece of paper as I get ready to paint is quite scary but I work through it by painting. Writing for this blog is causing me to feel very, very uncomfortable feelings of fear of sitting in front of a blank piece of paper to reveal something personal about myself.

NOW it is time for me to talk about myself… Oh my!!!  I read other peoples blogs and think how lucky they are that writing comes easily for them.  How do I know that? I don’t.   “What am I afraid of?” I ask myself.  I sit here and ponder, “What  am I afraid of ?” I have been told you are either a writer or you are not. I have chosen NOT!  Well I am changing my choice!  Now I am stuck again… I am feeling very vulnerable, I can feel some tears…

My inner critic says “You can’t be good at everything!”   Go away I do not have to listen to you anymore.  Breathe, breathe.  I am grateful for this opportunity to explore this part of me.

This is how I felt when I did my first Intuitive Painting Class.  “What have I gotten myself into?”  I felt all kinds of horrible fear as I looked at the blank easel.  “What if I cannot paint?”  I cried, I wanted to run away, my stomach ached, I could not sleep, I felt very hot, all different feelings came up, I felt sad, lonely, angry…

Feelings, feelings, overwhelming feelings… I continued to paint and the feelings gushed, and got released and I painted again.  And then I felt freer, lighter, laughing, more joyful with lots of gratitude for this process.

Being vulnerable is difficult. I am re-experiencing the same feelings now as I sit to write and share with you about myself.  “What will people say if I write boring words?  Does that mean I am a boring person?”  The same kinds of questions arise.  So this is the beginning of my journey as a writer.  I am making a commitment to myself to write three times a week in a journal about whatever and myself too!